The Dialogue Principles

Dialogue in the interreligious, interideological sense is a conversation on a common subject between people with differing views undertaken so that they can learn from one another and grow.

These principles (originally called the "Dialogue Decalogue"), formulated by Professor Leonard Swidler, set forth some fundamental ground rules for dialogue.

The A.I.R. Tool

Three basic dialogue skills help in any situation to increase understanding and decrease misunderstanding.

The AIR tool shows your dialogue partner that you're genuinely interested in having the conversation and would like to learn more. It's a tool for understanding and deepening dialogue.

Ladder of Inference

The Ladder of Inference tool can be used in everyday conversations to "check" your assumptions. When one moves up the ladder too fast, false assumptions can be made.

"Where did you get that idea?!"

Have you ever been accused of jumping to to the wrong conclusion?

In the fast-paced world we live in, we are under pressure to act instantaneously, rather than spend time reasoning things through and determining whether or not the assumptions we base our actions, beliefs and conclusions on are accurate.

How to Make a Better Impact

Define your Desired Impact – Think about how you want your message to be understood by the person you are speaking with.

Be Understanding – Being on the receiving end of a message is vulnerable space. After all, the receiver has no idea what you are about to say. They don’t yet know your intent or your intended impact. They haven’t had time to prepare a response, to decide how they feel, or to digest the information. Allow them the benefit of absorbing the information. Assume good intent on their part, as you are hoping they will do with you.

Be Vulnerable – Vulnerability builds trust. If you need to deliver a tough message to someone, consider briefly sharing an experience when you had some growing pains, when you didn’t make a good decision, when you made a mistake, or you weren’t proud of yourself. Create a safe space in the conversation for an exchange of humanity.

Unhelpful Thinking Styles

Automatic, Biased Mental Shortcuts

Mind reading: Assuming we know someone else's thoughts or motives.

Predictive thinking: Overestimating negative emotions or outcomes.

Mental Filter: Focusing on only one aspect of a situation (often negative) while overlooking others (positive).

Catastrophizing: Exaggerating a situation in the negative.

Should-have and Must-have Statements: Putting unreasonable expectations on oneself.

All or Nothing: Absolute thinking focusing on extremes. There is no in-between.

Overgeneralising: Interpreting a single, negative event as the norm, or enduring pattern.

Labelling: Using sweeping, negative statements to describe yourself or others.

Personalization: Blaming yourself unnecessarily for external negative events.

Emotional Reasoning: Interpreting current emotions as fact.

Magnification and Minimization: Magnifying positives in others, while minimizing your own.